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If you’re looking for a good laugh, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve got some of the dirtiest jokes around, that are guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. But be warned, these jokes are not for the faint of heart. If you’re easily offended, you may want to skip this article. Otherwise, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging from a tree? A swing. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the road? Roadkill. Okay, those were just a few warm-ups. Here are some of our dirtiest jokes yet:
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen. What do you call a woman with no legs? Eileen’s mom. What do you call a woman with three breasts? Two boobs and a head. I know, I know, these jokes are bad. But hey, they’re dirty, and that’s what you came for, right? So enjoy the rest of the article, and be sure to share your favorite jokes with your friends.
The Most Inappropriate Jokes You’ll Ever Hear
Warning: These jokes are not for the faint of heart. They are crude, offensive, and downright dirty. If you are easily offended, please stop reading now.
1. What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen.
2. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the pool?
Bob.
3. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!
4. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
5. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
6. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls?
Still no fcking eye deer.
7. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?
Art.
8. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool of water?
Bob.
9. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs laying on the railroad tracks?
Ties.
10. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs sleeping on your doorstep?
Matt.
Dirty Jokes That Will Make You Blush
Jokes That Will Make You Double Over
If you’re looking for jokes that will make you double over with laughter, you’re in luck. We’ve got some of the funniest dirty jokes that will have you rolling on the floor.
Jokes That Will Have You Crying From Laughter
Prepare yourself for jokes that will have you clutching your sides and begging for mercy. These jokes are so funny, you’ll be crying from laughter.
Jokes That Will Make You Blush
If you’re easily offended, you might want to skip this section. These jokes are not for the faint of heart. They’re crude, vulgar, and downright dirty. But if you’re looking for a good laugh, you’ll love these jokes.
Here are a few examples:
| Joke | Rating |
|---|---|
| What do you call a woman with one leg? | Eileen |
| What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your pool? | Bob |
| What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? | Art |
Jokes That Will Make You Spit Out Your Drink
These jokes are so funny, you’ll be spitting out your drink. They may not be the most sophisticated jokes, but they’re sure to get a laugh.
4. X-Rated Puns
Prepare yourself for a verbal avalanche of double entendres, naughty wordplay, and innuendo-laden humor! Buckle up and delve into the realm of naughty puns:
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the pool? Bob.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
What do you call a man with a shovel? A digger.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Why did the teacher put on sunglasses? Because his students were shining.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Why did the teacher put on sunglasses? Because his students were shining.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Why did the teacher put on sunglasses? Because his students were shining.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Why did the teacher put on sunglasses? Because his students were shining.
The Best Filthy Jokes for the Mature Audience
A Freudian Slip
A man walks into a bar and orders a double entendre. So the bartender gave him one.
A Little Help
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
Knock Knock, Who’s There?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, I’m freezing!
A Census Joke
A man is filling out a census form. He gets to the question that asks, “How many times were you married?” He thinks for a moment and then writes, “Once…but it lasted three times.”
The Difference Between Ignorance and Apathy
| Ignorance | Apathy |
|---|---|
| Doesn’t know he doesn’t know | Doesn’t care he doesn’t know |
Embarrassing Jokes That Will Make You Cringe
1. The Awkward Encounter
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on astronomy. The librarian points him to the science section, where he finds a shelf full of books on the subject. He picks one up and starts reading, but soon realizes that it is far too technical for him to understand. He puts the book back and goes to ask the librarian for help.
“Excuse me,” he says, “I’m looking for a book on astronomy for dummies.”
The librarian looks at him for a moment and then says, “Sir, you’re in the library.”
2. The Embarrassing Compliment
A man is sitting in a restaurant when he sees a beautiful woman sitting at a nearby table. He gets up and goes over to her.
“Excuse me,” he says, “but I just had to tell you that you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
The woman smiles and says, “Thank you, that’s very kind of you.”
The man continues, “You know, I’ve been watching you for a while, and I can’t help but notice how perfect you are. Your hair is like silk, your eyes are like sapphires, and your skin is like velvet.”
The woman blushes and says, “Well, I’m flattered, but I’m married.”
The man shrugs and says, “Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to enjoy the view from here.”
3. The Uncomfortable Silence
A couple is sitting in a restaurant, having dinner. They are both very nervous, and there is an uncomfortable silence.
The man tries to break the ice by saying, “You know, my grandmother always said that silence is golden.”
The woman agrees, and they sit in silence for a few more minutes.
Then the man says, “Guess I shouldn’t have told her to shut up.”
4. The Awkward Misunderstanding
A man is walking down the street when he sees a woman sitting on a bench. She is crying, and he asks her what’s wrong.
She tells him that she’s lost her engagement ring. The man helps her look for it, and they eventually find it under a bush.
The woman is so grateful that she hugs the man and kisses him on the cheek. The man is taken aback, but he smiles and says, “You’re welcome.”
The woman then says, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to kiss you. I’m just so happy that you found my ring.”
The man smiles and says, “That’s okay, I understand.”
The woman then says, “I’m really sorry, I’m just so embarrassed.”
The man smiles and says, “Don’t worry about it, it’s not a problem.”
The woman then says, “I’m really sorry, I just can’t stop apologizing.”
The man smiles and says, “That’s okay, I forgive you.”
The woman then says, “I’m really sorry, I just can’t stop apologizing.”
The man smiles and says, “That’s okay, I forgive you.”
The woman then says, “I’m really sorry, I just can’t stop apologizing.”
The man smiles and says, “That’s okay, I forgive you.”
The woman then says, “I’m really sorry, I just can’t apologize enough.”
The man smiles and says, “That’s okay, I forgive you.”
The woman then says, “I’m really sorry, I just can’t apologize enough.”
The man smiles and says, “That’s okay, I forgive you.
5. The Inappropriate Joke
A man is giving a speech at a funeral. He says, “I’m sorry, but I can’t help but tell a joke. This is going to be the last thing that this man ever hears, so I want to make it good.”
The audience groans, but the man continues.
“What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?”
The audience is silent.
The man says, “Bob.”
6. The Failed Pickup Line
A man walks up to a woman at a bar and says, “Hi, my name is Michael. I’m a dragon.”
The woman looks at him and says, “A dragon?”
The man says, “Yeah, a dragon. I can breathe fire, fly, and I’m even a bit of a beast in the bedroom.”
The woman smiles and says, “Well, Michael, I’m not really into dragons.”
The man sighs and says, “Okay, well, it was worth a shot.”
Crude Jokes for the Not So Innocent
7. The Two Men’s Request
Two men walk into a bar and ask for the bartender. When the bartender arrives, one of the men asks for a glass of water. The bartender gives him the water, and the man drinks it down. The other man then asks for a glass of pee. The bartender stares at him in disbelief, but the man insists. Finally, the bartender agrees and gives him a glass of pee. The man drinks it down and then says, “That was great! But why did you give my friend water?” The bartender replies, “Because if I gave him pee, he would have kept asking for it!”
Dirty Best Jokes
Dirty jokes are a type of humor that uses sexual themes for comedic effect. These jokes can be funny, but they can also be offensive. There is a time and place for dirty jokes, but it is important to be aware of their potential to offend and to use them accordingly.
There are some unwritten rules about dirty jokes. First, they should never be told to someone who does not want to hear them. Second, they should be told in a private setting where no one will be offended. Third, they should be told in a humorous tone and not in a way that is meant to hurt or offend.
If you are not sure whether or not a joke is appropriate, it is best to err on the side of caution and not tell it. Remember, the goal of a dirty joke is to get a laugh, not to make someone feel uncomfortable.
People Also Ask
What is the difference between dirty jokes and adult jokes?
4Dirty jokes are a type of adult joke, but not all adult jokes are dirty jokes. Adult jokes are jokes that are intended for adults and may contain adult themes such as sexuality, violence, or profanity. Dirty jokes are a specific type of adult joke that uses sexual themes for comedic effect.
Are dirty jokes offensive?
Dirty jokes can be offensive to some people, but not to others. It depends on the individual’s personal sense of humor and their tolerance for sexual content. If you are not sure whether or not a joke will be offensive to someone, it is best to err on the side of caution and not tell it.
When is it appropriate to tell dirty jokes?
Dirty jokes are appropriate to tell in a private setting where no one will be offended. They should be told in a humorous tone and not in a way that is meant to hurt or offend.
